Lost my husband and it hurts like hell!

Hi, I recently lost my husband after an extended illness. I miss him. I've pretty much been in a long, continuous cycle of grief. With the type of illness he had, there has been many losses along the way. The anticipatory grief was paralyzing. It has been a month now and I'm slowly getting things accomplished. I start grief support through Hospice this week. Just wanted to see if anyone else in our community would like to talk about this. It does help. The first few days after the family left and I was alone in our house with the cats was reached unbearable levels of grief. I tried everything I could think of to try to make myself feel better, but in the end I just curled up into in ball and cried - loud, ugly, wailing. I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors heard. Oh well, trying to suppress that would have been even worse. Of course I still get emotional. I'm still having a hard time concentrating and I don't understand all of the paperwork even after someone explains it. It would be helpful if the legal system would use plain language on the forms, and then call the document by the name on the form.

I'd love to hear from y'all! He's been a big part of my life for 15 years, and I kinda don't know what to do now.

Thanks!

Elaine